Ikan Merdeka

Rajan Rishyakaran, August 30, 2007

English, Rajan, Columns |

I have the rare honour of having the column appear on Merdeka eve. But rather that to dish out teary nostalgia or go to the other extreme and bash Malaysia silly, I’ll talk about something completely unrelated: fish.Yes, fish. Tuna fish, sardines, ikan merah – fish. Last night I was in a meeting and one of the guys – a big, rugger of a guy I hope doesn’t read this site – was explaining why everyone calls him Fish (his lecturer in polytechnic couldn’t pronounce his Chinese name, and long story short everyone calls him Fish from then on).

And after the meeting, I was discussing with the two non-PR Singapore Student Pass-holding Malaysians (if you didn’t catch it already, this column is being dispatch from the only shopping mall with a seat in the UN, Disneyland with the death penalty, or if you’re still lost - Singapore) what they were planning to do.

Dreads, they’re both from Johor, and dreads even more – they’re doing family stuff. I’m not one for anniversaries (note for future wife), except for big number ones. New Years Day wasn’t an important event except for the one marking year 2000.

Likewise, the 50th Merdeka conjures up more emotion than say, the 49th Merdeka – the first Merdeka I was fortunate enough not to go through all that constant cheesy patriotic songs (my first year – and second week – in Singapore). Patriotic songs I’m now downloading and listening constant for pure nostalgia (oops, I promised no nostalgia in this column).

So back to the end-of-the-meeting, one of the guys (he’s Singaporean, I hope also he doesn’t read this column either) came up to us and warn us not to go to JB this weekend (or if we do, be safe). Thinking this may well be something to do with carjacking—I don’t have a Singapore-registered car, unfortunately—I indulged him.

But no, the warnings is not the usual “Isn’t JB unsafe” refrain, citing the many murders, rapes, snatch thefts, kidnaps and active opposition politicians there. It was more like The Simpson Movie – “Horrible things are going to happen. It’s going to happen to you, and you and you!”

While he shouted, “Epa! Epa! Epa!” as he was being rolled out the room with the carpet(sorry for the spoilers), I began to think about what he warned – race riots based on some gang rape or another in Johor. Just that, erm, Malays tend to like Merdeka enough not to mar it by spilling Indian blood.

While it would be worrying – they may close the border at that time and I’ll be stuck in the hellhole otherwise known as JB, I’ll assign the probability of this rumour of this happening closer to 0. But the reason why I brought this up is to attest how little Malaysia has progressed in the last 50 years, where rumours like this still goes around and where we would be willing to tell non-Malaysians, as well.

Yeah, I know, I promised not to bash Malaysia – I lied a little. But listen to the government. Stop spreading rumours. But, if you had to know, Siti Nurhaliza is divorcing Datuk K to marry me. Pass it on to the Malay tabloids.

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